You Can Put Your Dumpling In My Sauce Anytime!

The Fancy Britches Dining Society convened at Blue Koi for their second meeting, a dumpling house situated in the eclectic 39^th Street District in Westport; a location commonly frequented by hipsters, bums, filthy hippies and bleeding heart liberals alike. Close enough to Kansas to give anyone the creeps, but still in Missouri, so booze at gas stations is still in play. In order to keep the debauchery and mayhem to a minimum, only founding members attended the event.

Caitlin and I arrived first, and in a momentary lapse of judgment, Caitlin requested a table for three when there are clearly four members. After ordering drinks and convincing ourselves that four people could fit at a table equipped to handle three people max, Matt and Kim (the remaining members of our dinner club, not to be confused with the kick-ass indie band by the same name) arrived and we were forced to move to a different waiter’s table in another section, thereby pissing off our original waitress. So far, off to a bad start.

Dinner began with an assortment of appetizers. As not to offend the proprietors of the restaurant we order pork and seafood dumplings, which is customary at a dumpling house. To accompany said dumplings we also settled on the crispy tofu with awesome sauce and a fried vegetable medley with an accompaniment of dipping sauces.

True to form, the dumplings were incredible. Delicious little pan-fried morsels stuffed with bits of meaty goodness and overflowing with herbs and spices. And, once they’re smothered in the delectable hoisen sauce, let me tell you brother, you’re in dumpling heaven. The surprise of the evening was the crispy tofu and the aptly named awesome sauce. I can’t take credit for naming the sauce awesome, but had it been my task I probably wound have landed on the same adjective-focused nomenclature. Not to discount the fried veggies, as they were great as well, but they paled in comparison to the amazingness that was the dumplings.

As is standard operating procedure, all Fancy Britches members are required to order a different dish for their main course. I’ve taken the liberty of breaking down the entrees by member, you’re welcome:

• Matt: Of course Shaw got the Chinese Style Pot Roast. Before he even arrived at the restaurant I predicted this would be the case. Shaw always reverts to old habits, and with no stew on the menu, his palette craved the familiarity of slow cooked hunks of beef adorned with vegetables simmered in meaty juices atop of a bed of egg noodles. All kidding aside, this dish rawked despite the fact that at least one elf was killed in the making of this dish (inside joke, don’t ask).

• Kim: Kim ordered the Braised Tofu with Shitake Mushrooms. I instantly felt bad for her for obviously missing the Braised Pork with Shitake Mushrooms listed right above the tofu. She had been too hasty in her decision and as a result had mistakenly ordered a meatless dish. It arrived, and to my amazement it wasn’t that bad. Sure, the pork would have been appreciated, but the rich sauce and beautifully cooked mushrooms more than made up for the lack of animal flesh.

• Caitlin: Per the waiter’s recommendation, Caitlin ordered the Chicken with Black Bean Sauce. This was by far my favorite dish. To quote Willy Wonka, and I’m paraphrasing here, “It was scrumdiddlyumpcious.” The chicken and the peppers coupled with the noodles and black been sauce combined to make a near perfect plate.

• Jason: I went a little outside the box and ordered the Cantonese Roast Duck. Let this be a lesson kids, never try anything new and stick to what you know. It honestly tasted like someone threw up in my bowl and tried to cover up the smell with Febreze. The 13 spices must have congealed into a paste with the consistency and taste of fresh poo. And I’m not just being critical, that was the consensus table-wide. Good thing we share or I would have been really disappointed.

Overall I’d have to give Blue Koi high marks. The waiter was courteous and helpful even if he was higher than a KU grad at a Phish concert in Boulder, CO. My drink was never empty and his knowledge of the menu proved rather beneficial. The décor was a bit lacking, but when the food more than makes up for it I’m willing to let it slide. The prices were very reasonable and the intimate setting would be a great place to take a first date you don’t really care about. I’ll be back again Blue Koi, but this time I’m staying the hell away from the duck.

My Name is Jason W., and I’m a Taj Mahalic

Dinner commenced promptly at 7:30 at the Taj Mahal restaurant located in the neighborhood of Waldo (for those curious readers, Taj Mahal is conveniently located adjacent to Lew’s Place and Aldi’s in the Waldo Shopping Center, classy). In addition to the founding members, the FBDSKA was proud to welcome junior members Sarah Moore and David Gilbertson to partake in the evening’s festivities.

Mastication began as the thin yellow and black things came with their accompaniment of assorted goo. At first snuff, the thin yellow and black things seemed to be on the level, but further tasting would prove otherwise as the once delicious “crackers” deteriorated into an aftertaste similar to dirt and old lady farts.

So dinner was off to a bad start, but could the arrangements of goo help get the dining car get back on track? The answer was yes. However, were you to ask me to name the goos and what was in them, I would be at a loss. I can relay this piece of information though: the orange goo was fantastic. The green goo was memorable. The red goo wasn’t without its charm.

To get the ball rolling Kim ordered an appetizer for the table. We decided a combo would be the best way to sample many delicious Indian treats, so an order was placed for the Vegetable – Non Vegetable combo platter. No joke, that was the name. The only thing we knew for sure was we may or may not be getting vegetables.

The appetizer arrived, and after several attempts of the waiter trying to mumble what was what, we dug in. My favorite was the non-vegetable. It’s just so hard to find a decent non-vegetable at an Indian restaurant these days. Not that the vegetable was bad, but the non-vegetable was clearly the king of the Vegetable – Non Vegetable combo platter. Also noteworthy was the white sauce that you could smother your vegetable or non-vegetable in.

After several mumbled pleas from an overzealous waiter begging us to order, the FBDSKCA finally had their entrées locked and loaded and lively banter followed as we all waited in anticipation for our Indian fare to arrive. Topics of conversation ranged from recreational drug use to float trips to mountain climbing. Pretty standard. As dishes began filling our table we all agreed that family style was clearly the best way to enjoy the abundance of food.

I’d like to take this opportunity to quickly recap each member’s entrée (bare with me on spelling):

Kim: Aloo Gohbi – Cauliflower and other assorted non-meat products. Yeah, I know, but she runs marathons.

Dave: Admittedly, Dave is a huge Goat Curry fan. But he decided to change it up a bit and went with Goat Biyahri, complete with hooves and bone matter.

Sarah: Chicken Saag. Boring. I do have to admit that this was my favorite dish. However, if I made it at home I’d call it shredded chicken with brown gravy. I don’t know why Indian’s feel the need to complicate things.

Matt: Chicken 65, cuz Shaw can’t drive 55 (get it?). I couldn’t tell you what was in it, but I’m not 100% convinced chicken made the final cut.

Caitlin: Lamb Tiki Massala - A traditional Indian dish consisting of meat and slop. It was delicious.

Jason: Lamb Vindiloo. I mainly got this because it had an illustration of boobs next to the name. I later found out that boobs signify spicy. Interestingly enough, Lamb Vindiloo translates to Meat with Ragu sauce in English.

The ambience was a little sub par, but that’s to be expected when dining at a strip mall restaurant. It was very casual to say the least, and our private dining room did offer some intimacy. Would I take a first date there? No. Would I take my overweight wife that’s well past her prime there? Certainly.

I can’t complain about a lack of attention from the servers, but when you’re the only diners in a restaurant you better get some decent service. “No, I don’t really need a fifth Diet Coke, but what the hell.” “No, Caitlin does not want another beer, but thanks for asking.” “Sir, you don’t need to fill my water every time I take a sip, but I appreciate your enthusiasm.” “Not yet, we’ll let you know when we’re ready to order.”

So what’s the verdict? Despite Kim’s best efforts to sabotage the inaugural meeting of the Fancy Britches Dining Society by nominating three Indian restaurants - a ballsy move to say the least - all in attendance would agree that dinner was a great success (my toilet may offer a dissenting opinion, but it was totally worth it). For some it was their first endeavor into the world of Indian food. I can safely say nobody hated it, but experienced Indian food enthusiasts can recall better meals.